Ketchup Nazis, Chocoholics, and Tic Tac Addicts
by Why Hedonists r Often Rated E
Summary: This story has everything from Twister, to cake fights, to snogging, to dress up, to partying, to karaoke, to cruiseliner trips, Canadian police Mounty visits, to pretty much anything you can think of...RHr...HPGW...GWOC..CCHP..LLOC..NTOC..Enjoy!


**disclaimer: I do not own anything and if I did I would be absolutely rich and I'm not b/c I'm poor...tear... :'( ...When I say I don't own anything, I mean anything from HP, singing artists, Walt Disney, That '70s Show, or FRIENDS, Star Wars, or Minnie Pearl...so please don't sue me...**

**this story is just complete and total randomness...if u are not up to complete and total randomness, then please leave the theater...ok...ok...ok...please don't leave...please stay and read this...it's really funny...well, I think it's funny and my friends think it's funny, so please read it, enjoy and then review afterwards b/c u know u really want to...**

**on with it...**

**'Ketchup Nazis, Chocoholics, and Tic Tac Addicts'**

**this is a story about my friends and i so i had to use our HP characters instead, so here's who's who...**

**Ketchup Nazi-Rachel AKA 'Mione**

**Chocoholics-Haley AKA Luna and Me (Harley) AKA Tonks**

**Tic Tac Addict-Ashley AKA Ginny**

**Cho-Brittany**

**Arriel as herself (in real life); she's my friend also...she just doesn't have a HP character...**

**Ron and Harry as themselves**

**Andrew and Kevin as themselves (in real life)**

**Danny Masterson as himself**

**Orlando Bloom as himself**

**Hermione, Ginny, Tonks, Luna, Cho, Arriel, Ron, and Harry are in 7th year...Andrew, Kevin and Hyde are all 18...**

**If it's in _italics_ then Haley wrote it, if it's bold then Rachel wrote it and if it's **normal** then I wrote it...**

**now is the true on with the story...dramatic music plays dum dun dum da dum dun da dum da...dum dum dum...dum dum dum...dum da da da...on with it...**

_The thick crimson liquid runs down her chin; no, I'm not talking about blood, I'm talking about ketchup; yes, that's right, she's the ketchup nazi._

"Ketchup rocks!" Hermione exclaimed, as she wiped the ketchup from her chin with her sleeve.

"Yes, yes we know." Tonks answered, sighing. "And I like chocolate...white chocolate, that is."

"Yes, we know." Ginny said, popping an orange flavored Tic Tac into her mouth.

"Dark chocolate is my favorite. There's nothing better." Luna said, the dreamy reverie never leaving her face.

"White chocolate!" Tonks exclaimed, staring at Luna dumbfoundedly, wondering how she could like dark chocolate over white chocolate.

"Dark chocolate!" Luna said, coming out of her dreamy reverie, now alert and zealous.

"White chocolate." Tonks said, now standing up.

"Dark chocolate." Luna said, also standing up.

"White chocolate!" Tonks took a few steps toward Luna.

"Dark chocolate!" Luna took a few steps toward Tonks, so now they were about 2 feet away from each other.

"White chocolate!" Tonks yelled, slapping Luna across the face.

"Dark chocolate!" Luna yelled, slapping Tonks across the face.

"CROUTONS!!!" Hermione screeched.

Everyone stopped what they were doing; Tonks stopped in a half slap, Luna in a half flinch and Ginny who was eating Tic Tacs like popcorn, watching, dropped the Tic Tac in her hand and spilt the popcorn tub her Tic Tacs were in on the floor, staring at Hermione.

"What?" Ginny questioned.

"I like croutons and ranch. It's good. Actually anything is good with ranch." Hermione said.

"You stopped our fight for that?" Tonks asked, while Ginny started to pick up her Tic Tacs.

"It was more of an argument that a fight." Luna said.

"They're the same thing." Tonks argued back.

"No, they aren't." Luna argued.

"Yes, they are."

"No, they aren't."

"Are to."

"Are not."

"Are to."

"D 2." **(how many of you saw that one coming???)**

They both stopped and stared at each other and started laughing. They both doubled over in laughter and then fell on the floor clutching their sides, unable to breath.

"What's their problem?" Hermione asked Ginny.

"I'm not sure." Ginny said, still picking up her Tic Tacs.

**Once she had all the Tic Tacs, Hermione took them from Ginny and ran away.**

"Hey." Ginny yelled. Then out of nowhere, she pulled a giant pixie stix out and started eating it.

Out of nowhere, Hermione came back and stole the pixie stix. "Bitch, you stole my pixie stix."

Ginny wasn't too pleased this time and didn't whip out another pixie stix or any other type of sugar, instead she just chased after Hermione.

Tonks and Luna looked at each other and yelled/screeched, "Howdy!" just like Minnie Pearl would have done to start her show.

Zoom out to everyone who is just staring at Luna and Tonks and then back to Luna, who undoubtedly has on a hat with the price tag still on it. **(a/n: Minnie Pearl bought a hat and went on TV and forgot to take off the price tag, so it became her trademark.). (The hat with the price tag, I mean.).**

"What? Don't you like my hat?" Luna asked, unconsciencely touching her hat and twirling it on her head.

Everyone just stared at her and then shook their heads.

"It's alright. Whatever disease or illness you have, Luna, we will find it." Tonks said, hugging her, the whole while trying to hold back little snickers and trying her best to get some tears.

"Thank you." Luna replied, hugging Tonks back, sniffling.

Since it was 10 pm and most everyone was asleep and out of the common room, Tonks had a good idea.

"Hey, guys. I have a great idea. Let's do karaoke."

"Ahhhhh." 'Mione sreeched, jumping up and down. "I love karaoke."

"Can 'Mione and I go first?" Ginny asked.

Tonks looked at Luna and she shrugged, so Tonks said, "Ok, I don't see why not. We have to soundproof the room and zap a karaoke machine here."

"Ok." Hermione said. She got out her wand and said a spell to soundproof the room, so they wouldn't wake anyone. "I'll go upstairs and get my karaoke machine." She said, starting up the stairs.

"You bring a karaoke to Hogwarts?" Ginny asked her best friend. "Cool!" She says, following Hermione up the stairs.

"Yeah. Who doesn't bring their karaoke to Hogwarts?"

"Everyone, but you."

"Good point."

Hermione got the karaoke and headed back downstairs with it. They set it up and Hermione and Ginny got ready to sing. Hermione got up on the new stage and tapped the microphone which let out a screechy sound. Tonks and Luna covered their ears.

"Oh, yeah. That's why not." Tonks said, still clutching her ears.

Hermione gave the a-ok signal and they took their hands off of their ears.

Even before they got on stage, Tonks and Luna knew what 'Mione and Ginny were going to sing. It was Hermione's favorite song. It was 'Barbie Girl' by Aqua.

After they finished, Tonks and Luna cheered them on along with a few others still in the common room.

Tonks and Luna barely had to communicate to know what they were going to sing.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Tonks asked Luna.

"O.J.?" Luna checked.

"Captain Kirk and Mr. Spok." Tonks answered.

"Both Jewish." They said together.

They gave each other a high five and then got on stage, after Hermione and Ginny both got off, and started their song; 'The Hanakkuh Song' by Adam Sandler; the original one.

**Then Ron came into the common room, ran up to Hermione and poked her in the sides.**

**"Ahhhhhhhh!!!" She screamed and turned around, then he started snogging her.**

"Get a room." Tonks, Luna, and Ginny yelled at once in unison.

Hermione pulled away. "NO!!!" She exclaimed, just like the Ron puppet did from Potter Pupper Pals, then back to snogging Ron.

Luna jumped up and yelled, "Lets play Twister."

"Yeah!" Hermione exclaimed, leaving Ron and jumping into Ginny's arms.

All of a sudden, the Twister mat appears with the spinner.

"Hey, guys!" Arriel exclaimed, walking into the common room.

"Hey!" Tonks greeted her. "Wanna play Twister?"

"Sure. I love Twister."

15 minutes later

Haley got out first, then Ginny, and then Tonks and finally Arriel. Hermione and Ron were the 2 left. Hermione was on all 4s with her back to the ground and Ron was also on all 4s, but with his back toward the ceiling over top of Hermione.

"Hermione?" Ron asked, struggling to keep himself from dropping.

"Yeah?" Hermione said, looking quite comfy.

"Hermione, I love you. Will you marry me?" Ron asked, looking into Hermione's eyes.

"Yes!" She exclaimed, excitedly, looking into Ron's eyes, careful not to wrap her arms around him and fall and lose the game.

"Ron, left leg blue." Luna said.

As he was moving, he let his legs and arms give out, falling on top of Hermione. Her limbs gave out under Ron's weight and she also fell. She wrapped her arms around Ron's neck and kissed him.

"I won!" He said, as he pulled away.

"Oh, no, you did not!" Hermione said, unable to believe it. "Your knee hit the ground before any part of me did.

"Nuh-uh." Ron said.

"Uh-huh." Hermione said back.

"Nuh-uh."

"Uh-huh."

"I think they're married already." Luna said, holding back her laughter.

Ginny, on the other hand thought this show was hilarious, as she was on the ground, rolling around, doubled up in laughter.

"Lets see who won." Tonks stated, holding up a remote for the big screen home movie projector that just happened to be convieniently sitting in the middle of the room unnotice by the group of 5 until now.

Tonks hit play and put it in a frame-by-frame during their fall. Hermione was right; obviously: Ron's knee did, in fact, hit the ground before any part of her did.

"Ha, I win." Hermione said, sticking her tongue out at Ron.

"You know what?" Ron questioned, getting up off of the floor.

"I'm awesome." Hermione said, also getting up off of the floor.

"I'm go-" Ron stepped closer to her and then pointed at her and then was slightly speechless at this sudden outburst; she wasn't supposed to say anything. It was a rhetorical question; she wasn't supposed to say anything and then he was supposed to say, 'You're going down' and then start to chase after her and tickle her. She ruined it. "You just ruined my next statement." He said, stepping closer and wrapping his arms around her waist while the others observed.

"Really?" She asked.

"Yep. But I can still do this." He put his hands on her hips and then poked her sides, making her jump up and run from him. As she was passing the prtrait hile, Cho walked in. Hermione stopped, and hid behind Cho. As Ron leaned to the right sid of Cho, Hermione leaned to the opposite and when he leaned to the other side, so did Hermione; he was unable to get on the same side as her. After a few times attempting this, Ron broke out into a chorus of 'Anything you can do, I can do better.'

Ron jumped up on the arm of the couch and Hermione quit crouching and stood up straight.

"Anything you can do, I can do better." He jumped of and did a front flip in the air. He landed it, almost. As his feet hit the ground, he lost his balance and fell to the floor, then bounced back up. "I can do anything better than you."

"No, you can't." Hermione said, tempting the same move Ron did, but sticking it perfectly.

"Yes, I can." Ron said, doing a back flip, but nearly breaking his neck in the process.

"No, you can't." Hermione said, doing a back flip and also sticking this one perfectly.

"Yes, I can." Ron said, stepping in front of Hermione and staring daggers at her.

"No, you can't." Hermione said, a smug, little arrogant grin on her face.

"Yes, I can. Yes, I can. No, I can't. Shit." Ron said, his eyes softening up as he spun around with his back toward Hermione and threw his hands up in the air as he turned.

"It's alright, baby." Hermione said, wrapping her arms around Ron from the back. "I'll let you win sometimes." She said, putting her head on his shoulder, chuckling.

Ron turned around, and tickled her till she was down laying on the ground.

"How. Dare. You." Ron said, each syllable emphasized, teeth gritted, chuckling.

He stopped tickling her and looked her in the eyes; how beautiful they were, then he snogged her. As they laid there, snogging, Tonks started singing. She sang 'Maria' by Green Day to entertain herself.

"She'll drag the lake to keep the vendetta alive." Tonks sang as Ginny joined in, Cho still standing by the portrait hole, still trying to comprehend what she saw. "Vendetta." Tonks said. "Vendetta. Vendetta. It reminds me of Mufasa."

"Oohhh. It tingles. Do it again." Tonks and Arriel said.

"Mufasa."

"Oohhh." They shivered.

"Mufasa. Mufasa. Mufasa."

"Oooohhhhh." They both said, shivering.

"I like it." Luna said. "Try vendetta."

"Vendetta."

"No. I'm just not feeling it." Luna said, as she walked over to the couch and sat down.

"Vendetta." Tonks exclaimed. "Vendetta. Say it. It's fun to say. It's like chuckle. Hahaha. Chuckle. Just saying the word chuckle makes you wanna chuckle. Hahaha. Chuckle. Hahaha. Chuckle. Hahaha."

Arriel started to join in. "Chuckle. Chuckle. Hahaha. Chuckle. Hahaha. Hahaha. You're right. It does work. Makes me chuckle. Hahaha."

Then they both started to say chuckle together.

"And she says I have problems." Luna whispered from the couch.

But Tonks heard her. "What did you eat for breakfast this morning? Carnation Instant Bitch.?" **(a/n: This saying is not mine. It's from 'That '70s Show'.).**

"Yes." said Luna.

**"WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE." Hermione yelled at Tonks and Luna, pulling away from Ron.**

**"STOP SNOGGING MY BROTHER." Ginny exclaimed.**

**"NO." She screamed and started snogging him again.**

**"GET OFF MY BOYFRIEND." Lavender screamed, walking in the** common room with Seamus. "Oh, crap." She started, looking at her and Seamus' interlocked hands. While Lavender was looking down, Hermione ran up and tackled her and because she was still holding Seamus' hand, pulled him down with her.

**"HE IS NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND." Hermione screamed.**

**She started to slap her, then after that, Hermione won.**

**They all lined up,** including Cho,** and started singing 'We Will Rock You!' Then Harry came in and did an interpretive dance to ** 'We Will Rock You,' while they were singing. After they were done, Luna, Tonks, and Arriel linked arms and started doing the can-can, while the can-can music played in the background and a big 'Broadway' sign appeared, while everyone stared on dumbfoundedly for 5 minutes.

After they were done

"Oooook!" Harry stated. "Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thang baby." He sung.

**Ginny finally had enough. So what she did next was jump into Harry's arms** and he wasn't prepared for when she jumped, so they both fell on the ground with a loud thump,** and started snogging, so there sat Ginny and Hermione snogging their boyfriend.**

**Luna, Tonks, **Arriel,** and Cho screamed on the top of their lungs "STOP SNOGGING!!!"**

**Ron, Hermione, Harry, and Ginny screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...**

**-5 MINUTES LATER-**

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO." Then started snogging again.**

**"CANDY PARTY!!!" Luna screamed. Ron and Harry jumped away from 'Mione and Ginny yelling, "Where?"**

**"Comfort food." Tonks and **Arriel** yelled.**

**Ginny and Hermione sat there and started to pout, then brightened up because there was cake.**

"Ooh. I love cake!!!" Hermione exclaimed, picking up a fork and starting to dig in."

"Me too." Ginny said, also picking up a fork and eating cake.

**Hermione and Ginny looked at each other, then looked at the cake, then at the boys **and then the cake again and then each other and nodded. **They picked up the cake and ran after the boys, **throwing it at them.

**Luna, Cho, Tonks, and **Arriel** just sat back and watched, laughing their heads off.**

**Luna summoned antoher cake and started attacking Tonks, **Arriel,** and Cho. Well, they also fought back. So it was on large cake fight.**

**So after they cleaned everything up, they all just sat there wondering, staring at the fireplace.**

**"I'm bored." Hermione complained.**

**"PICTURE TIME." Ginny said. "Ok. Harry and Ron will take the pictures and we will go and dress up."**

**"Ok." Harry and Ron agreed.**

**So they all ran upstairs to get dressed up, except for they guys, who got the camera ready.**

**Luna, Tonks, **Arriel,** and Cho came down in dresses that were long and colorful, posed, then went back upstairs.**

**Ginny and Hermione came down as Disney Princesses; Hermione was The Little Mermaid and Ginny was Belle. They went and sat down after they were done and changed because they were bored.**

**Ron and Harry sat behind their girl and they all just sat there. All of a sudden, Harry and Ginny and Ron and Hermione started snogging. Tonks, **Arriel,** and Luna just sat there with Cho watching a TV that magically appeared. They all started watching Gilmore Girls.**

Then Tonks stole the remote and put on House M.D..

"Hey." Hermione said, pulling away.

"What? You're snogging! Go back to snogging!" Tonks exclaimed.

"Oh. Yeah." Hermione said, going back to snogging.

"When I say O2, you say Ballin'. O2." Ginny said, pulling away from Harry.

"Ballin'." All the girls said, their right arms in the air.

"Oooook." The guys said, looking at each other all confuzed.

"Something from the cruise ship Ginny went on last year. Don't ask." Tonks said.

"Didn't plan on it." Ron said.

Then Ginny went back to Harry, but he flinched and pulled away.

"Oww, Ginny. That hurt." Harry exclaimed, grabbing his nose.

"Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I forgot you got that plastic surgery to make your nose smaller, though it didn't work 'cause you still keep poking me with your nose."

"Yeah...I know...HEY!!!" He said, the realization of the statement hitting him.

"Guess what guys?" Tonks said, walking through the portrait hole.

"But...B...How?...What?" Luna said, looking from where Tonks was formerly to where she was standing now.

"What?" Tonks asked, as everyone stared at her.

"Never mind." Luna said.

"No, seriously. What?"

"Nothing."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Ok fine." Tonks said.

"Achoo..." Arriel sneezed.

"Ich liebe dich...sterb nicht, Arriel!!!" Tonks said, hugging her.

"What does that mean?" Arriel asked, hugging Tonks back. "I'm in a very huggy mood."

"Me too. It means 'I love you...don't die, Arriel.'" Tonks replied.

"Really? What language?"

"German."

"Wow. Cool."

"Ok. Guess what." Tonks said, excitedly.

"What?" They all asked equally excited.

Tonks held up 8 tickets.

"What's that?" Cho asked.

"They're cruiseliner tickets." Hermione said, matter-of-factly. Tonks waited for it. "CRUISELINER TICKETS!!!" She exclaimed, jumping up and down, clapping her hands and then hugging Tonks. She pulled away and asked, "How'd you get 'em?"

"I won 'em. 8 of 'em. That's enough for all of us. Yes!!!" Tonks said, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Lets leave now." Ginny said, jumping up off of the couch and pulling Harry up with her.

"We're out like your mom in a wet T-shirt contest." Luna yelled. "BUURRRNNNN!!!!!" She yelled louder.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at Luna.

"Dumb Ass." Tonks said, laughing.

"Dumb Ass." Luna said back.

"Slut."

"Whore."

"At least I get paid."

Luna didn't know what to say to this, so she stopped and racked her brain for a moment until she finally came back up with "Bitch."

"Oh...I won the Ho Off. What now!?!" Tonks said, jumping up and down and then punching the air once. **(a/n: This conversation actually did happen...started with Haley/Luna saying something stupid and then me calling her a dumb ass and ending with me telling her that I won the Ho Off.).** "That was a good one. Good job." She said, going over and giving Luna a big hug.

"Thanks. You did pretty well also." Luna said, chuckling.

"But, even though you're right and our moms would prolly be out in a wet T-shirt contest, you're mom would prolly win." Tonks said, laughing.

"Yeah, she would." Luna agreed, chuckling.

"Chuckle!!!" Tonks exclaimed, before doubling over in laughter by the word. They suddenly appeared on the cruise-liner, Tonks still doubled over in laughter.

Just then a guy who looked oddly like Victor Krum walked by, though it wasn't Victor Krum.

"WOO..." Ginny whistled, as he walked by.

She followed him, leaving Harry looking hurt, though he soon got over it and started snogging Cho.

Before she went up to him, Ginny put a handful of Skittles in her mouth, caught up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. As he turned around and looked at her, she said, "I've got skittles in my mouth. Wanna tasted the rainbow?"

"You know it." He said, as he started snogging her.

Back where Luna, Tonks, Ron, and Hermione and Harry and Cho were, Harry and Cho were still snogging and then Ron and Hermione started snogging. Just then a guy whom was named Andrew walked by. Tonks knew his name was Andrew, but she wasn't sure how. He stopped in front of her and asked her if she would like to have dinner. She agreed and they left arm in arm to walk around the ship until dinner time.

Arriel had just left, also, leaving with a guy who looked exactly like Orlando Bloom and Luna knew without a double check that it was in fact the real Orlando Bloom and not a look-a-like as in Ginny's case.

"Well now...This isn't right." Luna said, looking around at all the other couples, wondering why and how she didn't have anyone to snog.

"Haven't I seen you some place before?" Some guy asked, walking up to her, wearing sunglasses. She immediately recognized him as being Danny Masterson; the actor who played Steven Hyde from That '70s Show.

"Yeah..." Danny smiled. "That's why I don't go there anymore." His smile faded and he started to walk away. "Oh. That's why I don't have someone to snog." She whispered, shaking her head. "No, wait. Come back."

He walked back. "So...your place or mine?"

"Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine." He frowned and started to leave again. "Damn it." She whispered. "No. I love you. Come back."

He came back. "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"

"Unfertilized." She said, waving him away. He started walking away again. "Shit." She whispered. "Get your nice ass back here!!!" She exclaimed.

He strode back. "What's your sign?"

"Do not enter." She said, pulling a sign around her waist that said, 'Do Not Enter', so that it covered her 'area'.

"Will you stop it!!!" He exclaimed, impatiently.

"Ok. Sorry. Habit." She said, jumping into him and snogging him.

"Hmm Hmm!" He coughed.

"What?" She asked.

"Hmm!" He said, looking down.

"Oh!" She said, pulling off the sign and throwing it overboard. "OK." She went back to snogging him.

They heard the rumble of a motorcycle and when they broke apart, they were in a Canadian jail with the rest of their friends and their boyfriends.

"What the fu-" Ginny started.

"Watch your language!!!" 'Mione exclaimed.

"Bite me!" Ginny said.

Just then, the Canadian police walked in. They questioned a few people individually.

First they questioned Tonks.

"What are you doing in Canada?" One Mounty asked Tonks.

"We're here for the beer." She replied.

"No, seriously. What are you doing in Canada?" The other Mounty asked.

"For the beer, man."

They gave up and next questioned Luna.

"What are you doing in Canada?" The Mounty asked Luna.

"What are YOU doing in Canada?" She asked back, her dreamy reverie back.

"What are you doing in Canada?"

"What are YOU do-" She stopped and put her hands in front of her like she was driving something, her alertness back, the greamy reverie gone. "The plane...it has no philangie. Mayday...mayday...we're going down..." She now put her right hand up to her right ear and in a serious voice said, "Houston...we have a problem."

"Get OUT!!!" The Mounties yelled.

They then talked to Danny Masterson.

"What are you doing in Canada?" The Mounty said, sighing.

He crossed his legs and folded his arms across his chest, leaning back in his seat. "We're an elite team of high school terrorists."

Both Mounties sighed long and deep.

"NEXT!!!" One yelled.

Ginny came in.

"So, what are you doing in Canada?"

"I don't know. I was snogging this really cute guy named Kevin and then I ended up here and then-"

"OK. Out."

The Mounties walked out to where everyone was sitting. "You guys are free to go...We give up...It's useless...You guys are useless...Just...Get...OUT!!!" He said, pointing toward the exit.

Then they all magically appeared back in the common room, including those men that were met on the cruise ship. They all looked at each other and then everyone started snogging their partners. When Tonks and Andrew pulled apart, Tonks looked at everyone else snogging, then yelled, "Dumb Asses."

"Hell yes!!!" Luna exclaimed, then everyone started to chuckle.

Hahaha...Chuckle...Now the author's starting to chuckle...Hahaha...Dumb Ass!!!

**(a/n: So how did u like it??? Really random...huh??? Tell me what u thought of it in a review...b/c u know u really want 2 deep down inside...I would like to give thnx to my friends for giving me the inspiration, especially to Haley who wrote the beginning and got me started and to Rachel who wrote bits and pieces when I couldn't think of anything to write...I love you guys...thnx...Oh, and...um...the little German sentence in here is actually how to say 'I love you...don't die'...I'm in German II and going onto German III next year...heck yes!!! What now!?! Hahaha...Chuckle...I'll stop now b/c if I get into that I'll be going forever...bye byez...**

** 3**

**Harley**


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